Thursday, February 2, 2012

At The Edge of Control

Ever have those days or times, when you start to feel that you are not in control or at the very edge of losing it. Yep that is where I am right now. So much is going on right now and I am at the point where I feel I am going to lose it all. So a fair warning this post is going to be kind of angry and complainy like but I will try to stay a bit positve.

Okay let me explain first what is going on to make me feel like this, and there are several factors (some seem trivial but considering what else is going on my brain or heart really can't handle it right now). First and probably the biggest thing is tommrow my mom is going in for back surgery and i have to go to work the same time she is going to be in surgery, and honestly I am freaking out a bit, I am a bit worried about her and how the surgery is going to go. I know that it is in God's hands and that helps a bit but not entirely I can't help but worry and the fact that I won't be there or even in contact with her or family to see how she is doing til late afternoon doesn't help at all.

Next there is trouble with the beloved Lakehouse. I fear that I have hurt at least one of my fellow sisters and will probably invertably hurt more before it all clears up. part of me wants to back down and pretend nothing is wrong but when does that ever work? and it will most likely come out in a way i don't want it to. (kind of like it did last night). Thank goodness I have support from one or two of my fellow sisters, I am not alone through this. And i hope and pray to God, nothing i say will be taken personal and will make things better for everyone involved. (I know this explanation is vague but those involved either know or will know soon enough).

Plus school has me stressed out. I think I am doing ok in classes but I got a few bad grades so far and I want and need to do well. I can't take anymore setbacks and I'm starting to think taking 5 courses was a mistake, hopefully i will make it through and pass all of them.

Bur there is good news. I know I have God on my side. and though this is the first time i'm really speaking about this I know God has given me an incredibly supportive family and friends both "real life" and especially my online friends (i just hope nothing happens to make them hate me). *sigh* and i know well enough that this too shall pass. All we can do when times like this show up is pray and do the best we can knowing God put us here for a reason and hope we learn something or improve ourselves during this time.

like one of my favorite songs says "God gave us mountains so we could learn how to climb"

and of course we can always find those songs that make us feel better here are some of my faves

Love the band ABBA, this song is so comforting i love this song last week i listened to it over and over again.

This is one of my favorite Chruch hymms

Well thats all i have for now thanks for reading. And to all my friends onlineline and real and my family you are all amazing and i have no idea where i would be without any of you. I love you all

Remember to love one another as God has loved you and God bless


1 comment:

  1. I have been feeling at the edge too!
    Aww I hope the LH stuff clears up for you. I'm glad that God is bigger than all of my problems and is still bigger yet to be able to handle everyone else's too!
    BTW just so you know this is Kayla from TLH...:)


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